Log in

No account? Create an account
tdumb2003's Journal
[Most Recent Entries] [Calendar View] [Friends]

Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in tdumb2003's LiveJournal:

[ << Previous 20 ]
Wednesday, November 5th, 2008
6:42 pm
Obama, New life and continued love
So, last night was one of the most historical nights in all of American history. Although Barack Obama was elected as the new president, the most important part is how American banded together for once to decide this change. The voter turnout spoke volumes of Americans' continued feelings of a repressed government. Even more important, Obama is one of the first African Americans as president. However, his approach was not one of race, but one of hope. Hope we can change the country's position within the world. Hope for a better country. Hope for a change in a direction towards one America. Can we say revolution? Possibly!

New life in Florence is ok. The people here are overall a strange group. As the election pointed out, they are quite the conservative group. But it's more than that. People here do not like outsiders. It is like there is something wrong with people are different in political, religious, and overall life philisophies. I stand in awe and wonder how a group of people who are so informed can continue to be so ignorant. I know change takes awhile to integrate into the culture, but I would expect something to give here. As I continue to work down here, I realize there are areas within the world who continue in their ways. Why? Because that is the only way they know how. Change is scary. My generation is one who hinges on the idea of change. Our everyday lives improve from all the changed we have encountered throughout our entire lives. We anticipate change, we are always looking for the next big thing, the new edition, the revised model, and more. This idea of change is an innate part of our senses.

Brian and I are still dating. He still lives 5 hours away, in Pittsburgh. Things are good for the most part. I am going to see him this weekend, make the long ass drive. Maybe one day it will be closer. I can only hope right now...
Wednesday, June 25th, 2008
3:59 pm
Wow, so much within the past couple of months have changed. I am accepted a new position at Kohl's Department store as a manager. I know this is what I said I never wanted to do, but I must admit, its just a job. That's it. A job. I am no longer looking for my life's dreams and aspirations in my job. Nah, I would rather make enough $$ to travel the world, then get a discount which I cannot use. Right? Anyday!
I am moving to Cincinnati OH for the job, and know no one. I am sure use to this type of moving. How many times have I left not knowing a single soul. This time will be different. I just know it.

In other news, the boy is moving to Pittsburgh. I think this is the end of the relationship. He was offered a job in Cincinnati and decided to take another one. He is doing it for himself and I cannot blame him. I don't want him to move anywhere for me. But it would have been nice if he offered.
After a year of dating he doesn't know if he wants to be with me forever. That is a lot to ask of someone. However, I feel like you should know within a couple of months. There shouldnt be this time where you "just dont know". I talked to a few friends and they felt the same way. I am in no rush to get to the alter, although the boy seems to think so. Whatever, maybe if he really knew me then he would understand.
If we were to quit dating, would I still be able to be his friend? Would I want to? I still care a lot about him, but is it wasting something special for someone else? I may never know the question...

There is always the point if you are thinking these things, and speaking out loud about them...maybe it's already over. Is that true? I have committed to some events with him and don't want to back out at the last second. That is shitty. Or is it shitty to continue to be in a realtion you arent really committed to? God, I don't know. I have always been one to keep to the commitments I have made. Otherwise, I just don't know what to do. Maybe I do and just don't want to be that person. THe one to break things off. I now realize how it is easier to get the other person to do the dirty work. And, how much you don't want the person to get hurt. You care, but the relationship is a dead end. After many years, I now understand why Sam acted the way he did.

Maybe I will wait til we have both moved. It might make it easier, right? Here's to hopelessly dreaming that everything will be ok!

Current Mood: contemplative
Thursday, January 3rd, 2008
5:03 pm
The new year has started off to a better beginning than the ending of last year. For one, I can walk down the hall without having a physical aliment (knock on wood). I spent new years with my boy and a couple of his friends. It was a fairly good weekend with him. Until we started fighting over his friendship with someone. He was a friend who happens to be a girl. This girl he met on the internet three years ago, and consistently flirts with her via internet or phone. He has only seen her twice, but I know he will always have a crush on her. It's one of those gut feels. I cannot harp on him for having crush like feelings for someone who has been in his life for 3 years.
I admit I am slightly jealous. I keep trying to be the bigger person in the situation, telling him how I feel about it. Yet, she is this person, whom I don't know, who I hate. I should value his friends and know they are going to be in his life for a long time. Moreover, I should be glad that I am not the only one in his life. But when I find text messages he shouldnt be having with her, what I am to think? I feel like that gives me grounds to worry.
On the other hand, I should be so bothered. Reason being, the last time he saw her she was a bitch towards him. When I say that, I just mean she spent a good amount of time on the phone with her boyfriend, wouldn't be seen in public with her, and hid when she thought she saw her friend. I tell you this is no friend. Seriously...
Thursday, November 29th, 2007
11:57 am
Ever wake up and wonder how you got to this position in your life? Earlier in life, you had exaggerated dreams. These dreams were endless and unlimited, growing from the tiniest of thoughts. Slowly, but surely, as life continued, we began to grow up. We realize the essense of our life. The purpose of our everyday life is set before us, through our daily routine. When you look up close, it may seem like there is nothing more than meaningless work. Living with a day to day battle, trying to be the best person for the world against the enemies of the materailistic society.
Going back to being a little kid...we never fully realize what the 'real world' will be when the days eventually mature. Little by little, minute by minute, we become what oour society wants us to become. Just another person trying to make the most money and have the most stuff. Is that really what we are doing?

My boy recently moved to another state temporary. I know he will be coming back, but part of my is super jealous of the chance he gets. The chance to move into some place new, my strength. I have never had a huge problem with moving. I have done it so many times in my life, staying in one location has become hard. Therefore, my jealousy stems from the idea of his freedom. To him, he is clueless to the potential I see in it. Nor would he understand the idea of starting over. To me, it has become a life of trying to build a new personality ontop of the existing one. If that makes sense. I want to multiple myself with as much character as possible...

Enough for now.
Monday, November 12th, 2007
1:09 pm
Just another day...
So I came into work today to find my boss was late again. Then, I look like shit resembling how I currently feel. I went tailgating this weekend with a few friends. It is always a good time. However, this time I got caught up in the smoke of the bonfire. This suffocated my sinuses, which let to this horrible cold I am trying to get over currently. My eyes are heavy and swollen. My body is achy and hot. Maybe cold. It cannot make up its mind. I want to be in my bed and sleep for at least 24 hrs. Will this happen? My answer is no. Why, you might ask... Mostly because I don't get sick days and cannot afford to take a day off. Furthermore, I work 2 jobs. I have to be at both today and I cannot stand to let them down. Normally I would have called off, but it just seemed like too much work today. Maybe it wasn't, but part of me feels like I would be letting down people had I not shown up. Damn me and my loyal actions. Grr...

Current Mood: sick
Thursday, July 19th, 2007
5:12 pm
This is a smart one
Story 1:
MONTAGUE, Texas (AP) -- A 62-year-old woman was sentenced to 25 years in prison for killing her teenage grandson while he slept, then setting their mobile home on fire.

Jamie Larue Holmes had pleaded guilty to murder and arson. She will be eligible for parole when she's 75, prosecutor Jack McGaughey said.

Firefighters found the body of Brock Holmes, 18, inside the burning trailer near Nocona, northwest of Dallas, in June 2006, and police found his grandmother hiding in woods nearby.

She said she shot the teen in the back of the head while he was sleeping at his desk the morning after they had argued about his getting a job, McGaughey said. Holmes told authorities she planned to shoot herself but ran out of bullets.

Investigators never determined a motive, but McGaughey said Holmes indicated a conflict with her grandson that she did not want discussed during a trial.

"It seemed to be very important to her that her grandson's conduct toward her not be an issue brought out in court," the prosecutor said.

Comment: Ok, who doesn't think about multiple bullets when planning a murder and suicide?
Story 2:
Wanted: volunteers willing to take their clothes off and have their picture taken on a freezing cold Alpine glacier.

The appeal by New York artist Spencer Tunick, famous for taking pictures of thousands of naked people in public settings worldwide, is intended for a photo shoot to highlight the effects of climate change on Switzerland's shrinking glaciers, environmental group Greenpeace said on its Web site Wednesday.

Greenpeace said if global warming continues at its current pace, most Swiss glaciers will disappear by 2080.

The photo shoot, which follows Tunick's previous shoots in London, Mexico City and Amsterdam, will take place in August at an undisclosed location in Switzerland.

Prospective candidates from further afield will have to start making travel arrangements now. "We aim to make this a climate friendly event, so please come by public transport and don't fly," Greenpeace said

Comment:Furthermore, I totally support such a cause! Get naked, das rite!
Friday, July 13th, 2007
3:13 pm
I just have spent the week at my first job. Which I love. I am selling travel to people who can truly appreciate such a luxury. My boss is amazing and we get along fairly well. Other than that, I have so much more to do in order to finish my thesis. Other than that I am just trying to stay alive. August 15th. Remember the date.

So much to get done by that date.

Living with mom is starting to be interesting. I mean there aren't words to desribe the situation.

Thursday, June 14th, 2007
4:44 pm
I am not happy right now. Yesterday I worked at camp with younger children. I helped them climb the rock wall compliments of Hooiser Heights. I really miss working with children and need to return to such work. There is not a lot of joy in either the research I am currently doing, or my lame ass job at Kohl's.
There is a job recently discovered in Hawaii. The job entails working with at risk youth, using the Rites of Passage model as a educational tool in an outdoors environment. This is something I have read into a little. From scratching the surface this seems like a plausible place for me to end up. There is very little in my life I want. First, to be happy. Second, touched someone's life in a positive way. Third, know that I changed someone's life for the better. Although these goals are really big, I feel apt to complete such tasks as I undergo the amazing freedom of life.
So much of me is ready to go, and yet finding the place is harder than it seems. Recently I decided one thing about my life. When making decisions that require a pro and con list, unless I have to make a decision this is probably not the route I need to be taking. I should be able to reach deep into my soul and know whether it feels right or not. If it does, then ok. If not, stay away. In this sense I am not limiting myself from anything, but really just learning to gage my inner self better.
This all stems from what I have been doing currently. I do not look what I have done so far, and I will not continue in such a journey where I am constantly upset. Only two more months of nonsense, then I am out of here like a bat out of hell.
Wednesday, June 6th, 2007
10:58 am
Feeling liberated. For the first time in 2 years. 2 years...

aww, I finally made it.

Looking for a job is a bitch.



Things to ponder...
Wednesday, April 18th, 2007
4:32 pm
end of school
I AM FUCKED!!!!!!!
I want to be over and yet start all over. GOD what the hell did I get myself into? Is this really where I want to be? I can do anything and this is what I have done. Great...
Thursday, March 29th, 2007
10:34 am
Here's the thing...I miss the new, unexplored. I miss the happy go lucky feeling of just entering into a new place. There is so much to explore, so much to question. Cultures are different. Thought processes are different. I know this. I am use to this. When will I go there? The unknown? It's almost time, I can feel it.
Thursday, January 4th, 2007
9:42 pm
I have shitty friends
The subject title says it all. I tried to meet up with a friend of mine today in Indy. I haven't seen her for almost six months and found it quite interesting that she couldn't take the time to spare an hour or more to spend with me. However, this is how most of my friends are. They are a disappointment. Really. I have decided to make new ones. I think.
I just let this happen to me so much that its starting to get old. I cherish my friendships too much, and loyal to them. Right now I feel like yelling FUCK OFF to each and every one of them. Because, sincerely, do they really care?

Current Mood: pissed off
Wednesday, December 13th, 2006
5:03 am
I feel fucking great! I have never been so pumped. Mel and I did half pull ups today (n=6). Then I went for a 30 min run, which was awesome. Plus, I fucking aced my prehistory of the midwest final (94%). Not so good on the B200 final, but that is life. I am not going to get down about it. I am just going be glad that it is over. I learned the most information in that class, so I can't be too upset. There was a lot of material and he didn't ask the questions that depicted the knowledge I gained from his course. Oh well.

Life is going really well right now. There are certain perspectives that are improving, which have needed to for awhile. I feel like my life is getting better by the day, and there isn't much more in life that I could want. There are somethings I want to start incorporating, but we will get there soon enough. Baby steps Jen, baby steps.

PS- I can smell my feet. Kind of gross, eh?

Another reason to hate winters in Indiana:
2) when the snow doesn't come and its rain, this can mean only one thing. Snow in the 'spring time'. Which then equates a very upset person (aka Jen).
3) allergies get all fucked up and I wake up with a splitting headache because the pressure in my head is so intense.
Monday, December 11th, 2006
9:53 pm
A few nights ago I was working at Customer Service at Kohl's, completing the tasks associated with the job. One of which is answering the phone. So, I picked up an incoming call, reciting the same introduction as I do every time, 'thank you for calling Kohl's, where you can expect great things. This is Jennifer, how may I help you?'. Upon completeing this 25 second intro, and hating that I have sold my soul to 'the man', I begin to listen to this man's voice on the other side. He tells me that he needs to speak to someone in the (INSERT SURNAME HERE)'s party. He continues to say that there is someone shopping with them and he wanted to speak to him. Unaware of what is about to happen, I ask the name and tell him I can page it. Once the person comes back to customer service, then he will be able to speak to the person on the phone. The guy on the phone proceeds to give me the name, Richard Smoker. So, I tell him to hold on, and I amgoing to page the name. I put the guy on hold, then begin to page, "Richard Smoker to customer service, Richard Smoker to customer service." After the lovely page, I have about 4 associates rush back to ask me if I know what I paged. I answered them curtly, 'yes, there is a customer on line 1 that would wish to speak to Richard Smoker.' By this time, they are all about to die laughing, because I proceed to pick up the phone and page again, "Richard Smoker to customer service, Richard Smoker to customer service."Finally, one of the associates explains that I had just been punked, that it was a false name and I basically paged Dick Smoker over the PC. Great! Flipping Great! The rest of this past week, I have been getting remarks from coworkers that Amanda Hugnkiss is waiting for me at customer service, or some variant of that.

God I want a new job.

Current Mood: geeky
Friday, December 8th, 2006
10:18 pm
Is it wrong to no longer be friends with someone because that particular person reminds you of a situation you are trying to get out of your head? The situation indirectly involves this person, but the friend has nothing to do with it. I mean, that is what I am doing right now, so if it's not ok, who gives a fuck. You eventually move on because there is no reason to wade in the sick mess you just got out of...
Reason #1 to move to a warmer climate...
I need to move somewhere that doesn't have frost to scrap off your car in the morning.

More to come ;)!

Current Mood: cold
Friday, December 1st, 2006
9:59 pm
It's come to the day that I have dreaded for such a long time. THe first snow. I have officially pulled my winter coat out. I hate winters with snow. It's not conventional at all. The hunter and gatherer lifestyle had it right when they migrated during the cold and hot seasons. I hate the cold. There isn't a part of me that actually likes this weather. The only good thing about snow, is when it stops and I have an entire year until the next snowfall. I don't know if I have always been like this. I just know that I really don't like winter. It is good to kill insects for the spring and summer seasons. Other than that, nothing. I am sure that some biologists would have their claim to fame and tell me how it is essential for all of the seasons to happen. Even in warmer climates, there is seasonal change. You can never have a consistent weather pattern. If you do, something drastic will eventually happen, ending all of the pleasant weather. Maybe I just have a heart made of stone when it comes to this issue, however, I fucking hate winter weather. More importantly I hate how people drive in it. People don't want to go out in it. It's almost like their lives stop, just because of this horrible weather condition. Although I hate the weather, I still get out in it and try my best to get whatever I have to do done.

Ok, on with the real world. I do not promise to cut any of the complaining of snow out for the rest of the time it is in my presence. But I will try to cut back on the amount of complaining.
Monday, November 13th, 2006
5:42 am
Sponsor anyone?
So, since return from the wonderful land of Aus, I have been trying to find a sponsor to migrate my wonderful way back to the oasis of my dreams (really, since I was 10 years old). There is so much to be done and I can't wait for the day when I can actually live there, with a visa. I don't know why I want to move back. It has been a dream not only to study there, but to work there also. I don't know. My family thinks that I am a little of my rockers for wanting to return so bad. However, if you thinking about it, my family only made me secure enough to face the world. I know that I can always come back home. My mother has always had an open arm when I needed help. So, knowing they are there if I need them, I can finally put my feet down and realize this is life.

THe most important part of my life is to be happy. That is the only thing that I want in the world. Now that I have learned that lesson (I am the most important person in my life), then I just need to stay committed to the idea of keeping myself sane and happy. With time, everything will come about. Because if I had everything I was suppose to have in life already, I would be really bored and have no motivation to do anything with my life.

So there you go...

Current Mood: happy
Sunday, November 5th, 2006
11:57 pm
if you only knew what was in my head, you might laugh. If you only knew what I was thinking about, you might look at me in disgust. If you only knew how much i care, things might have been different.

One thing that really gets me, I mean really gets me, is the how people respect their friends. OR more or less don't. I don't know. I am just a little upset when people continuely blow me off. I will forever and always be a genuine friend and if I have ever done this to someone, if was not will planned actions. I am tired of being the good friend. The one that is responsible. I am ready to live the life I want to live. But there is a piece missing. Or maybe its just a piece that I miss.

Current Mood: tired of wrestling this issue
Thursday, October 26th, 2006
11:16 am
So I can't change how i feel, just have to embrace it...

ready go!

ps, climbed a 5.10 today!
Tuesday, October 24th, 2006
3:03 am
'In order to succeed, your desire for success must be greater than your fear of failure.' ~Bill Cosby

I feel like this is so true. So Jen, get out there and realize that failure is part of success. It makes you stronger and will aid you down the road.

Current Mood: determined
[ << Previous 20 ]
About LiveJournal.com