| Obama, New life and continued love |
[Nov. 5th, 2008|06:42 pm] |
So, last night was one of the most historical nights in all of American history. Although Barack Obama was elected as the new president, the most important part is how American banded together for once to decide this change. The voter turnout spoke volumes of Americans' continued feelings of a repressed government. Even more important, Obama is one of the first African Americans as president. However, his approach was not one of race, but one of hope. Hope we can change the country's position within the world. Hope for a better country. Hope for a change in a direction towards one America. Can we say revolution? Possibly!
New life in Florence is ok. The people here are overall a strange group. As the election pointed out, they are quite the conservative group. But it's more than that. People here do not like outsiders. It is like there is something wrong with people are different in political, religious, and overall life philisophies. I stand in awe and wonder how a group of people who are so informed can continue to be so ignorant. I know change takes awhile to integrate into the culture, but I would expect something to give here. As I continue to work down here, I realize there are areas within the world who continue in their ways. Why? Because that is the only way they know how. Change is scary. My generation is one who hinges on the idea of change. Our everyday lives improve from all the changed we have encountered throughout our entire lives. We anticipate change, we are always looking for the next big thing, the new edition, the revised model, and more. This idea of change is an innate part of our senses.
Brian and I are still dating. He still lives 5 hours away, in Pittsburgh. Things are good for the most part. I am going to see him this weekend, make the long ass drive. Maybe one day it will be closer. I can only hope right now... |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 25th, 2008|03:59 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Bush- Glycerine | ] |
Wow, so much within the past couple of months have changed. I am accepted a new position at Kohl's Department store as a manager. I know this is what I said I never wanted to do, but I must admit, its just a job. That's it. A job. I am no longer looking for my life's dreams and aspirations in my job. Nah, I would rather make enough $$ to travel the world, then get a discount which I cannot use. Right? Anyday!
I am moving to Cincinnati OH for the job, and know no one. I am sure use to this type of moving. How many times have I left not knowing a single soul. This time will be different. I just know it.
In other news, the boy is moving to Pittsburgh. I think this is the end of the relationship. He was offered a job in Cincinnati and decided to take another one. He is doing it for himself and I cannot blame him. I don't want him to move anywhere for me. But it would have been nice if he offered.
After a year of dating he doesn't know if he wants to be with me forever. That is a lot to ask of someone. However, I feel like you should know within a couple of months. There shouldnt be this time where you "just dont know". I talked to a few friends and they felt the same way. I am in no rush to get to the alter, although the boy seems to think so. Whatever, maybe if he really knew me then he would understand.
If we were to quit dating, would I still be able to be his friend? Would I want to? I still care a lot about him, but is it wasting something special for someone else? I may never know the question...
There is always the point if you are thinking these things, and speaking out loud about them...maybe it's already over. Is that true? I have committed to some events with him and don't want to back out at the last second. That is shitty. Or is it shitty to continue to be in a realtion you arent really committed to? God, I don't know. I have always been one to keep to the commitments I have made. Otherwise, I just don't know what to do. Maybe I do and just don't want to be that person. THe one to break things off. I now realize how it is easier to get the other person to do the dirty work. And, how much you don't want the person to get hurt. You care, but the relationship is a dead end. After many years, I now understand why Sam acted the way he did.
Maybe I will wait til we have both moved. It might make it easier, right? Here's to hopelessly dreaming that everything will be ok! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 3rd, 2008|05:03 pm] |
The new year has started off to a better beginning than the ending of last year. For one, I can walk down the hall without having a physical aliment (knock on wood). I spent new years with my boy and a couple of his friends. It was a fairly good weekend with him. Until we started fighting over his friendship with someone. He was a friend who happens to be a girl. This girl he met on the internet three years ago, and consistently flirts with her via internet or phone. He has only seen her twice, but I know he will always have a crush on her. It's one of those gut feels. I cannot harp on him for having crush like feelings for someone who has been in his life for 3 years.
I admit I am slightly jealous. I keep trying to be the bigger person in the situation, telling him how I feel about it. Yet, she is this person, whom I don't know, who I hate. I should value his friends and know they are going to be in his life for a long time. Moreover, I should be glad that I am not the only one in his life. But when I find text messages he shouldnt be having with her, what I am to think? I feel like that gives me grounds to worry.
On the other hand, I should be so bothered. Reason being, the last time he saw her she was a bitch towards him. When I say that, I just mean she spent a good amount of time on the phone with her boyfriend, wouldn't be seen in public with her, and hid when she thought she saw her friend. I tell you this is no friend. Seriously... |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 29th, 2007|11:57 am] |
Ever wake up and wonder how you got to this position in your life? Earlier in life, you had exaggerated dreams. These dreams were endless and unlimited, growing from the tiniest of thoughts. Slowly, but surely, as life continued, we began to grow up. We realize the essense of our life. The purpose of our everyday life is set before us, through our daily routine. When you look up close, it may seem like there is nothing more than meaningless work. Living with a day to day battle, trying to be the best person for the world against the enemies of the materailistic society.
Going back to being a little kid...we never fully realize what the 'real world' will be when the days eventually mature. Little by little, minute by minute, we become what oour society wants us to become. Just another person trying to make the most money and have the most stuff. Is that really what we are doing?
My boy recently moved to another state temporary. I know he will be coming back, but part of my is super jealous of the chance he gets. The chance to move into some place new, my strength. I have never had a huge problem with moving. I have done it so many times in my life, staying in one location has become hard. Therefore, my jealousy stems from the idea of his freedom. To him, he is clueless to the potential I see in it. Nor would he understand the idea of starting over. To me, it has become a life of trying to build a new personality ontop of the existing one. If that makes sense. I want to multiple myself with as much character as possible...
Enough for now. |
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| Just another day... |
[Nov. 12th, 2007|01:09 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sick | ] |
So I came into work today to find my boss was late again. Then, I look like shit resembling how I currently feel. I went tailgating this weekend with a few friends. It is always a good time. However, this time I got caught up in the smoke of the bonfire. This suffocated my sinuses, which let to this horrible cold I am trying to get over currently. My eyes are heavy and swollen. My body is achy and hot. Maybe cold. It cannot make up its mind. I want to be in my bed and sleep for at least 24 hrs. Will this happen? My answer is no. Why, you might ask... Mostly because I don't get sick days and cannot afford to take a day off. Furthermore, I work 2 jobs. I have to be at both today and I cannot stand to let them down. Normally I would have called off, but it just seemed like too much work today. Maybe it wasn't, but part of me feels like I would be letting down people had I not shown up. Damn me and my loyal actions. Grr... |
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| This is a smart one |
[Jul. 19th, 2007|05:12 pm] |
Story 1:
MONTAGUE, Texas (AP) -- A 62-year-old woman was sentenced to 25 years in prison for killing her teenage grandson while he slept, then setting their mobile home on fire.
Jamie Larue Holmes had pleaded guilty to murder and arson. She will be eligible for parole when she's 75, prosecutor Jack McGaughey said.
Firefighters found the body of Brock Holmes, 18, inside the burning trailer near Nocona, northwest of Dallas, in June 2006, and police found his grandmother hiding in woods nearby.
She said she shot the teen in the back of the head while he was sleeping at his desk the morning after they had argued about his getting a job, McGaughey said. Holmes told authorities she planned to shoot herself but ran out of bullets.
Investigators never determined a motive, but McGaughey said Holmes indicated a conflict with her grandson that she did not want discussed during a trial.
"It seemed to be very important to her that her grandson's conduct toward her not be an issue brought out in court," the prosecutor said.
Comment: Ok, who doesn't think about multiple bullets when planning a murder and suicide?
Story 2:
Wanted: volunteers willing to take their clothes off and have their picture taken on a freezing cold Alpine glacier.
The appeal by New York artist Spencer Tunick, famous for taking pictures of thousands of naked people in public settings worldwide, is intended for a photo shoot to highlight the effects of climate change on Switzerland's shrinking glaciers, environmental group Greenpeace said on its Web site Wednesday.
Greenpeace said if global warming continues at its current pace, most Swiss glaciers will disappear by 2080.
The photo shoot, which follows Tunick's previous shoots in London, Mexico City and Amsterdam, will take place in August at an undisclosed location in Switzerland.
Prospective candidates from further afield will have to start making travel arrangements now. "We aim to make this a climate friendly event, so please come by public transport and don't fly," Greenpeace said
Comment:Furthermore, I totally support such a cause! Get naked, das rite! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 13th, 2007|03:13 pm] |
I just have spent the week at my first job. Which I love. I am selling travel to people who can truly appreciate such a luxury. My boss is amazing and we get along fairly well. Other than that, I have so much more to do in order to finish my thesis. Other than that I am just trying to stay alive. August 15th. Remember the date.
So much to get done by that date.
Living with mom is starting to be interesting. I mean there aren't words to desribe the situation.
Ahh. |
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| Life |
[Jun. 14th, 2007|04:44 pm] |
I am not happy right now. Yesterday I worked at camp with younger children. I helped them climb the rock wall compliments of Hooiser Heights. I really miss working with children and need to return to such work. There is not a lot of joy in either the research I am currently doing, or my lame ass job at Kohl's.
There is a job recently discovered in Hawaii. The job entails working with at risk youth, using the Rites of Passage model as a educational tool in an outdoors environment. This is something I have read into a little. From scratching the surface this seems like a plausible place for me to end up. There is very little in my life I want. First, to be happy. Second, touched someone's life in a positive way. Third, know that I changed someone's life for the better. Although these goals are really big, I feel apt to complete such tasks as I undergo the amazing freedom of life.
So much of me is ready to go, and yet finding the place is harder than it seems. Recently I decided one thing about my life. When making decisions that require a pro and con list, unless I have to make a decision this is probably not the route I need to be taking. I should be able to reach deep into my soul and know whether it feels right or not. If it does, then ok. If not, stay away. In this sense I am not limiting myself from anything, but really just learning to gage my inner self better.
This all stems from what I have been doing currently. I do not look what I have done so far, and I will not continue in such a journey where I am constantly upset. Only two more months of nonsense, then I am out of here like a bat out of hell. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 6th, 2007|10:58 am] |
Feeling liberated. For the first time in 2 years. 2 years...
aww, I finally made it.
Looking for a job is a bitch.
Hawaii??
Xaxier??
Things to ponder... |
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| end of school |
[Apr. 18th, 2007|04:32 pm] |
I AM FUCKED!!!!!!!
I want to be over and yet start all over. GOD what the hell did I get myself into? Is this really where I want to be? I can do anything and this is what I have done. Great... |
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tdumb2003's journal